"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fuck appropriateness.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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