I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
