the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
