Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
