yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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