I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
