I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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