Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Operation Purity has been aborted
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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