things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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