Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
