listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
