I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
