So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
