There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
