I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
