I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
