It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
