found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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