he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
