Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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