The maid of honor just puked.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
