after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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