Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
