i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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