It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
