Please, let me fuck your mom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
