Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
