Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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