My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
