she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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