Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
