god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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