Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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