I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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