The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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