You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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