At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
