I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
