his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
