The maid of honor just puked.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
