is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
