You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
