well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
