I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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