somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
