Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
