What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
