Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
