should my penis look like a turkey
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
