3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
