The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
