with your own penis?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
