I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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