Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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