My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
