when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have already put on my inside pants.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
